Reflection on life.

I'm currently reading "Crime and Punishment," a very epic novel by Fyodor Dostoevsky. This time, I'm reading the novel like I've never read it before. Initially, I used to get a basic idea about the novel and its theme, and then I'd start telling everyone about it. This gave me the pleasure of knowing the material while avoiding the effort of actually reading the novel. However, this time is different. I'm reading it so seriously that I'm getting addicted.

I've completed the first part, which had seven chapters, and I'm currently on the third chapter of the second part. This is like a new love for me. Just like in love, there's intense passion in the initial stages, but it fluctuates over time, sometimes increasing and sometimes decreasing. I have so much passion for this book. I even wonder why I'm so passionate about it. Maybe it's because I've heard a lot about this book, which made me more desperate to read it.

That's what happens in love stories too - you learn something, and then you want to know more. When the mystery ends, it doesn't end alone; it takes passion with it. It's strange why the things necessary for livelihood aren't as interesting. Why are they so boring? Why?

Just think about it - when the subject you're reading or the work you're doing makes you feel blissful, you can't help but stop. What a beast you would become! But that's the sad irony. We're all engaged in things we don't like. Social media cleverly provides an escape route - a cheap pleasure, not blissfulness. That's what I've been thinking lately.

How is it that young people like me have a lot of potential, yet we're trained to think so narrowly? My sister, friends, and I are just drifting, unsure of our direction. No one dares to dream big! But don't they dream? Maybe they've been made to think that way. I'm also part of this. Saying I can't dream is a naive thing I can do to myself, because deep down, I know I have a big goal.

It's so big that if I shared it with anyone, they wouldn't believe me - not even my father, mother, or friends. They all have bounded thinking, and they won't break it themselves or let anyone else break it. Love, calmness, and dreams are courageous things. That's why I've started disliking relationships. They won't let me go where I want to go.

In relationships, your partner wants to be the center of attention, but that's the most garbage thing you can do to your life. In my opinion, a girl or boy should never be anyone's priority. It should be on the bucket list, but not at the top. After being in several relationships, I realized that relationships are merely a playground for manipulation. Some people do it knowingly, while others do it unknowingly, but everyone does it.

Girls try to stay in contact with multiple boys to become more demanding in their boyfriend's eyes, and boys do the same. There are many more examples, but I won't share them all here. The only benefit of being in a relationship is if your partner is smarter than you and respects you. This is a rare combination, as people tend to be in relationships with those who are similar to them.

I have another valuable insight: "Whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly and with full consciousness." This is the best piece of advice I've ever received and realized myself. Throughout my life, I rarely gave my 100% to anything, and it cost me a lot.

That's it for today! I'll continue posting, no matter what. I'll share why soon. I don't know if anyone will read this, but if you did, thank you! I hope I haven't wasted your precious time.